6 Lessons That Helped Me Build Self-Confidence
In my late teens, one of my biggest challenges was being such a pushover. I looked for external validation from others because I was a very independent and introverted kid.
With this search for validation, I accepted people picking on me for them to “feel better”. This got worse as I allowed it to happen. I never stood up for myself.
My self-confidence was non-existent… until I started working towards a purpose and getting out of my comfort zone through building muscle. As I got bigger and stronger, I became more confident. I stood up for myself and what I believed. I tolerated less wrongdoings to myself and others around me.
Building muscle was my introduction to self-confidence.
In this post, I wanted to give you six lessons that I have learned in building self-confidence.
It is my hope that you read this post and you really analyze any opportunities where you can improve yourself and reinforce your confidence levels.
Let’s dive in!
I. Have A Purpose.
What do you desire in your life?
Many of us typically search for a purpose that we can work towards.
A person with purpose tends to not worry about what others are doing and focus on what they can do.
As you continue to grow, your purpose may grow or change. Your own gut intuition, your customers, or others around you will guide you in this direction. As you continue to grow and develop, more missions will appear, and your purpose may change. This is entirely normal and is a part of our growth.
Remind yourself daily of what you desire in your life — and take those small steps to work towards it.
II. Actions Speak Louder — Push Through Fear.
Don’t talk about it, be about it.
Everybody feels fear, doubt, and anxiety. Confident individuals feel these emotions and push forward with them. They still feel their fear, but they use these emotions as an impetus to take action. Through these experiences, we build more reps and strengthen ourselves.
Entrepreneurs like Gary Vaynerchuk and Daymond John are successful individuals that come to mind with their risks, and their actions. While these entrepreneurs speak often… they listen more and take action as a result.
We recommend getting out of your comfort zone daily — no matter how small it is. Those actions will allow you to become better and more influential. The person who takes more risks or takes action through fear is more admirable. It’s a powerful trait that most successful influencers or social media figures have.
Lastly, ask yourself: if I don’t take action… what are the missed opportunities or consequences? It can be as simple as not speaking to your high school crush or even jumping towards a new job. Our hesitation consists of “what if…” rather than the consequences of missing or ignoring these opportunities. You don’t get better or learn from them if you don’t take action.
III. Push Your Limits… And Persevere.
A self-confident person always shoots to push their limits.
No matter if it’s exercise, engaging in a new hobby, or desiring to close a big sale… we should always strive to go one more and get out of our comfort zone. Just taking one extra step, a 1% improvement everyday… you will be 100% better 100 days from now.
Our recommendation is to document your progress and always strive to go one more. Whether it is a food log, an exercise log, or journal… document your journey of becoming better. This will give you self-accountability so that you can strive to better yourself.
Always seek challenges that make you hesitate out of fear. Push through that fear, and build incredible levels of self-confidence.
Persevere.
No matter the obstacle… a self-confident person knows how to persevere. Perseverance (or grit) is a byproduct of having a vision of what we desire (a purpose), and our desire to fulfill it.
When life gets challenging, or something impedes our progress… we must continue to push through. If you’ve ever worked a retail job, you know that the holiday season is intense. Every day is a literal battle… but you persevere. You do what you can to satisfy your customers during this busy time.
When you persevere, you develop a lot of self-confidence from overcoming this stressful time… all because you took it day-by-day and pushed through.
IV. Positivity… With A Dash Of Realism.
Focus on the more positive parts of our challenges and opportunities. Just like one of our recent posts: the obstacle is the way. Being consumed by an event that we can’t control will limit us in our decisions. Our rational thought process becomes irrational and callous.
Perception is reality. How we choose to react to the event determines whether or not we can handle it in the best light.
To really build self-confidence, realize that you need to change the frame of how you look at obstacles. This obstacle allows you the opportunity to grow. This obstacle allows you the opportunity to elevate your status or promote you.
Memento Mori — The Realism Part.
Now while we tend to look at things in a more positive light… we know our limitations.
We are only human. We are not destined for greatness by default. We build greatness by our paths, our decisions, and how the world responds to our choices.
To really ground ourselves into reality, look towards philosophical teachings and others who have risen to great heights. These individuals realized they’re mortal, that they will all eventually die. That they belong to a gigantic universe — yet we are only a speck of it.
Memento Mori. Remember that we will all die.
This is not to depress you in some nihilistic way. We need to look at this in a more positive light. Time in this world is limited. We are here to provide value to others and our families in some way, shape, or form.
No matter how big or small is our purpose… we are here to fulfill it.
I like to look at myself as the person who desires to spark the mind that will completely change the world. Some actions I took based on my positive perception of an obstacle allowed me to inspire someone to make a huge positive impact on the world. I might not be there yet, but I work towards this.
Positivity with a seasoning of realism.
It’s how we should all live, and it’s a necessity for us to shift our minds to this perspective in 2020… for the sake of the future.
V. Seek Knowledge. Ask Questions. Listen.
Self-confident people typically realize they don’t know sh**. As such, we are more open to learning from other’s paths — based on their upbringing and expertise. At first, when you acquire knowledge from your field, you think you know it all. That college education has brought you the ability to bring refreshing new ideologies to a field that desires this.
What you then realize is that the career path you’ve chosen has already implemented your thoughts.
Welcome to the actual apprenticeship phase of your life.
College was only the intro course.
This experience truly humbles you. It might dishearten some, but it might excite others. Your career path has opened a new opportunity to learn more by doing. It has shown you that you’ve got a long way to go in this world. It has shown you that to be human is to constantly seek knowledge and improve.
In fact, true self-confidence is admitting your lack of knowledge in your specific hobby or field. This provides not only a humbling experience for yourself, but it’s a very influential perspective to take. People want to teach you… and many love to take on mentorship roles.
We recommend looking at others as a new world or universe: one with new philosophies, ideologies, and more. Their experiences have defined them, and their knowledge is something to consider.
Ask Questions… And Listen.
The most influential ask the necessary questions… and listen.
They don’t talk more than the other person. This has been proven in constant books on influence and sales.
The best salespeople talk less and listen more.
When someone tells you “you’re a great salesperson” and you have only uttered one sentence… you know you’re pretty darn good.
What we recommend is asking engaging questions… or asking for clarification. This will allow people to open up more and allow you the opportunity to understand them. It also builds a subtle level of self-confidence: it shows that you are comfortable enough to invite intense or complex conversation.
For example, after years of customer service experience, I was able to learn how to give a customer a great experience if they felt “wronged”. Whenever I would ask for clarification or engaging questions, I learned how bad the experience was in their eyes. It would allow us to rectify situations and turn their experience around.
VI. Become Less Reliant On Agreeability.
One of the greatest lessons of self-confidence is being able to accept that you can’t please everybody. Not everyone is going to like you, and that’s ok… but that doesn’t mean they can’t respect your convictions.
Don’t allow yourself to be a pushover if you’re prone to being one. Learn to say “no” when necessary. You don’t need to do everything you can to solve other people’s problems if it’s meant to impede your purpose or your goals.
If you truly believe in what you stand for, stand your ground. Don’t let people walk over your beliefs. Sometimes, this builds more respect than changing your beliefs (or complying with one’s beliefs) if they challenge yours.
Stand up for what you believe is right.
Don’t seek approval from someone who disagreed with you based on your own upbringing and experiences. For example, I grew up very independent, and I realized that I have to go out and make my own success. I make it my duty to succeed. I’m that a** of a coach that says if you aren’t where you want to be… step it up.
Some of my friends and family members might disagree with my philosophy towards life… but I won’t change these beliefs or convictions. They make me who I am.
Either way, they respect me for it… and I respect them for theirs.
You can validate one’s opinions and beliefs — because they DO matter… but you don’t need to agree with them.
Build Yourself Up
For a quick recap, here is what you can learn above:
- Have a purpose or mission in your life. This allows you to focus on improving yourself, rather than worrying about what others are doing.
- Actions speak louder than words. Whenever you feel that fear or anxiety… push forward.
- Push through your limits. There’s always an opportunity to better yourself in some way. Welcome it. Embrace it. Persevere through these obstacles. Build that mental grit.
- Be positive, but be realistic. Look at every obstacle in a more positive light. There’s always an opportunity to better yourself by going through… but always remember that we are only human.
- Seek knowledge. Ask questions. Listen. Focus on learning from others. Don’t be ashamed to ask and listen. In fact, this builds subtle self-confidence over any insecurities or shame you might have from asking questions.
- Become less reliant on agreeability. We will never always agree with everyone… but that doesn’t mean we have to hate them because they have a different opinion. Don’t be a pushover — stand for what you really believe.
Now that you have these six lessons in self-confidence… what will you do with them?
Will you just read this post and stop there? Or will you take these lessons and act upon them?
Every day, hour, minute, second… we have an opportunity to improve ourselves in some way.
You just need to be actively looking.
Any questions, comments, or stories you’d like to share? Throw them below!
Until next time, everyone!
